"Volunteering"

So, how did I get myself into this mess?

On Friday, July 13, (bad things always happen on Friday the 13th) Aidan and I went to the Tigers-Mariners game. My wife Amy, now a carefree bachlorette for the evening, went over to a BBQ at the home of our friends Mike and Leslie (our former neighbors) along with current neighbors Tom and Heather.

At some point during the BBQ, Heather revealed that she was planning on running a triathlon. Tom (a surfer, avid bike rider and supportive husband) apparently was going to participate as well. Mike (a fireman who works out daily) thought that was a great idea and volunteered to join in.

Well, Amy, who is 8 months pregnant and unable to participate herself, felt it would be appropriate to volunteer her husband (a golfer, soccer and softball player) to lend his support.

Now, while this may seem entirely reasonable, let's detail out my athletic history.
1. I played quite a bit of soccer - until I was 15.
2. I quit the soccer team after my freshman year of high school to play golf.
3. I currently play rec league soccer - as a goalie - which means my running is limited to getting on and off the field at the beginning and end of each half.
4. I currently play softball - as a pitcher - which limits me to beer runs.
5. Did I mention that I'm a golfer?

Of course, when I pointed this out to my beautiful wife whom I adore (notice the blantant attempt to minimize the damage this post is doing to my marriage), she suggested I back out, completely ignoring the fact that this would be a blantant admission of weakness and completely at odds with the nature of man.

So, I'm basically stuck. I have to compete because I'm a man despite the fact that I'm totally out of shape and will likely die (further validating the Darwinist nature of the world).

Of course, I could substitute some other manly activity (like scaling the Space Needle nude without ropes) and use this as an excuse for not participating but the likely result of any of those endeavors is also death. So I guess I'll go with the triathlon.